I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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