Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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