my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
