dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
