I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
