So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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