Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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