Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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