How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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