I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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