This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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