There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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