I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
