I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
