she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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