This girl is more easily done than said...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
