I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
