why didn't you poke me back
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
