i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
