I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
