What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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