I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
