I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
