I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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