I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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