dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
