Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
