If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
