There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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