she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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