I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
