Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
