If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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