I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
