I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
