when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
