i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
