apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
