The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize