I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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