Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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