I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
