I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
