dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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