so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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