and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Couch. On fire.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
