Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
