I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
someone owes me an orgasm
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
