Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
