The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
