I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
