I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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