You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have aggressive nipples.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
