What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
