remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
