whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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