taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
