I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
