after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
