I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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