i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
