walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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