How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
