You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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