Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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