How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
