he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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